Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
