We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
