Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
