omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
