I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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