I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
