i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize