Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
