He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
