What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize