its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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