my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
