Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
