Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
