u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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