I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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