And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
