Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't turn off my feet"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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