I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
