yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
