She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
