If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize