if i can run in heels then i can drive
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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