I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
