Umm I'm too high to move.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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