I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
