I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
