Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
