wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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