she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
