My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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