You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
