he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
