It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
