Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
