I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
