i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
