You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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