You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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