I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
