we have officially lost it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
