; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
