like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
