There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
