Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
