ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize