Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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