Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
