omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize