All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
