ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
