some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
