Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
