You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
