I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize