Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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