what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
