he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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