you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize