I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
