Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
