I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
