remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize