I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think my moral compass just broke
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