I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I will be naked everywhere
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
