Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
