Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
