Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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