Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
