Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
