and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
