nut hugger
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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