Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
