You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
