You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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