i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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