I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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