"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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