Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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