He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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