Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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