are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
