I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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