Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
