i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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