Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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