can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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