She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
