I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
