My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
