The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
