I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
