Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
