He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize