I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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