some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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