That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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